Shit long distance cyclists say

Or maybe just me, but whatever. Sharing's caring.

1. My ass hurts 

2. I'm hungry 

3. My ass hurts and I'm hungry

4. Is there a Tim Hortons near here? 

5. Il y a un Tim Hortons pres d'ici?

6. Is that a bear? No.

7. Shit, that is a bear. 

8. Is it free?

9. Hey man. Share the road. Or not. Asshole.

10. Do my thighs look big in this?

Week 8 Saint Felicite to Salmon Beach (754 km)

This weeks update is beamed to you live from Tim Hortons in Miramichi, New Brunswick. It's currently raining sideways so I'm sheltering here until it gets a little nicer out there. Or until they run out of donuts, whichever comes first. 

So this weeks big decision was to Gaspe or not to Gaspe. Hmmm. The Gaspe Peninsula is a remote part of eastern Quebec, and supposedly one of the top ten cycling destinations in Canada. However, the weather was starting to turn and I'm all too aware that at some point I need to come home and face the music (finish that phd, get a job, behave like a grown up, etc etc). This little diversion would add an extra 700 km to my route and take around a week to complete. I sat on a bench at the crossroads weighing my options. Consulting my little book from Jen, the next quote said this: 

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less travelled by." - Robert Frost

Well that seemed pretty clear. I had the wind at my back and the sun on my face.  Decision made, while there's money in the bank, ride on. Jens fault really.

I didn't regret it, the road stayed close to the sea, winding through little fishing villages in the shadow of the Appalachian Mountains. Pretty cool. I was invited to spent my first night in Gaspe in the loft of a barn, which turned out to be a luxury penthouse by my standards. The next day though those mountains become more than a shadow. Way more. These were some of the steepest grades I've climbed on this trip, and I think the gasping peninsula is probably a more appropriate name. These were back to back climbs of 15% minimum. I wasn't sure if my chain or my knees were going to give up first. As I struggled up towards the top of the steepest summit, an car slowed down beside me. It was an old French man who shadowed me all the way to the top, honking and shouting "ALLEZ ALLEZ, ON Y VA!!" until I got to the top and collapsed in a sweaty puddle. Then started on the next one. Ooof. As I got around the headland, the hills gave way to blasting wind and the locals developed an accent so incomprehensible I could no longer tell whether they were speaking in English or French. I finally hit some easier ground on the south side of the peninsula, in the form of a Tim Hortons where had my first donut in 3 days. I told you it was tough going. As I was leaving I ran into Yan and Wilson the dog, who were touring the peninsula together by bike and trailer. They were good company, so I spent my last days in Quebec with these two, culminating in far too many pints of stout in a microbrewery which lead to camping in the pub car park. Winning.

Saint Felicite to Mont Saint Pierre - 119 km

Mont Sant Pierre to L'Anse a Valleau - 110 km

L'Anse a Valleau to Saint George a Malbaie - 118 km

Saint George to Saint Godefroi - 128 km

Saint Godefroi to Saint Omer - 92 km

Saint Omer to Charlo - 87 km

Charlo to Salmon Beach - 99 km

Week 7 Clarence Creek to Saint-Felicite (830 km)

Bonjour tout le monde, je suis au Quebec! Whilst I've been franglais-ing my way along for the last week or so, I won't put you guys through it. Ok so this week I went around Montreal and through Quebec City, both places I've been to before and didn't really fancy hanging out in again with Dawreen. So I'm gonna skip over them and tell you about my favourite bits. There was a super nice stretch of riding between the two cities along the north side of the Saint Lawrence River, which combined with some hot humid weather meant early starts and afternoon siestas in leafy parks and "Halte Velo" along the roadsides. Usually with a baguette and some stinky cheese. When in Rome... The province as a whole is very bike friendly, with the best road surfaces and shoulders I've seen for this whole trip. I also had some of the strongest tailwinds so far, definitely owed after the horrific prairie crosswinds...30 km/h and barely pedalling... best kind of riding! I took the ferry across the river at Quebec City, still in crazy humid weather. I had just about managed to get my tent up that evening when a huge storm rolled in across the river and battered my tent in all directions until at least 2 am. Whilst I remained waterproof, I was not animal proof. I woke up to hear something snuffling in my food bag under the tent fly. Of all the animals I've encountered in this trip, I hate raccoons the most. They are crafty, not scared of you in the slightest and worst of all have little animal thumbs which gives them the power to get into pretty much anything, no matter how tightly closed you think it is. And they hang out in gangs, like delinquent teenagers on the local rec and wake you up at night with screeching hooting noises, which translate as "HEY YOU GUYS I found a defenceless cyclist and this one has peanut butter, lets make her stay awake till dawn defending it against our relentless attacks". Or something like that. I hate raccoons. Anyways, yelling at them doesn't work and throwing things works for a while until they realise you can't hurt them. The only thing I've found that really gets rid of them is to stay absolutely still, let them get really close, then let them have it with the deet. I have an industrial sized aerosol can of OFF just for this purpose. Muhaha who's laughing now stripy face. Anyways, the snuffling. Bloody raccoons again I thought, right I've got the can in my tent, just have to quietly open the zip then the first one to show its face gets it: when engaging raccoons in battle, you have to strike hard and fast and show no mercy. Hold on, there's just one? Thats weird, maybe it lost its gang in the storm. It's kinda small too..... wait that's not a raccoon it's a baby skunk!! Soooo cute!! Aww you lost your mamma in the storm?? Poor little guy. Wait, skunk. Skunk. SKUNK IN TENT!! GETRIDOFITBEFOREITGOESOFF. Ahhh the great outdoors, gotta love it. 

EDIT: don't worry animal lovers, deet in the face has no lasting effects, I've sprayed it at myself enough times

Clarence Creek to Saint Jerome - 119 km

Saint Jerome to Louiseville - 122 km

Louiseville to Deschambault-Grondine - 96 km

Deschambault-Grondine to Montmagny - 138 km

Montmagny to Saint-Andre - 106 km

Saint-Andre to Saint-Fabien - 102 km

Saint-Fabien to Saint-Felicite - 147 km

Week 6 (part 2) Espanola to Clarence Creek

So this time both bench and wifi are supplied by the tourist information centre in Deschambault-Grondine, who have also thoughtfully forgotten to supply any "NO CAMPING" signs and left the wifi on after they closed up....I'll let you draw your own conclusions about where i'll be sleeping this evening. Merci beaucoup mes amies. 

So from the name of the town I guess you already know I'm fiiiiinally in Quebec, after what feels like 3 months in Ontario (actually only 17 days of riding). Phew, it's a big old place that Onterrible. But having covered bits of most of it I'm not going to be able to call it that anymore. Despite having mercilessly mocked its bugginess, dampness, yokelness and general inferiority in comparison to BC; and despite the best efforts of some rather vicious Giant Hogweed, I actually quite liked (some) of it. There, I said it. Eastern Ontario had some of my favourite stretches of road to date: tree-covered rolling (but not excessive) hills, lilypad-covered lakes and some really lovely little towns. After clearing the (overrated) Great Lakes, the whole eastern area along the trans canada highway was totally awesome. Ottawa is the capital of Canada and a city I'd never visited before and now it might just be my favourite. Its less soulless than Toronto, less pretentious than Montreal and more Canadian than Vancouver... I liked it so much I spent the whole day there exploring. The people I met in EO were pretty cool too, but that's been the case for most of this trip and cannot therefore be attributed to their Ontario-ness, eastern or otherwise. I met fireman Jamie by the river in Pembroke - thanks for the donation, the beers, the breakfast and for reinforcing that donuts are not a valid food group... He must have loaned me some fireman luck too as the next day (whilst lost on the way to Ottawa) I met the lovely Amelia and the fire department of Carlton County. They were also fundraising for cancer research and absolutely insisted that I hung out and ate pizza with them. Who am I to argue with so many half naked muscly men. Ahem. Aaanyways I eventually tore myself away and ended up crashing in Don and Carolyn's back garden.., complete with homemade veggie lasagne for tea and my own private beach view... Shout out to Gordon and Lesley in Ottawa - thanks for the route advice and the donation! My last night in Ontario was in Clarence Creek, where Eric the campsite owner refused to let me pay for a pitch and brought me all the cold Pepsi I could drink. I think I'll be coming back here. 

Toronto to Sudbury - overnight train

Sudbury to Espanola - hitched with Roy back to where I left the trans-can to go south

Espanola to Corbeil - min. 134 km (forgot to reattach bike comp after train)

Corbeil to Deux Rivières - 90 km

Deux Rivières to Pembroke - 121 km

Pembroke to Constance Bay - 119 km

Constance Bay to Clarence Creek - 115 km

 

Week 6 (part 1) Bruce Mines to Toronto (287 km)

I know what you're thinking... 2 posts in one day?? Well first of all let me assure you I had a donut break in the middle (maple ripple, 7/10) and also this only covers the couple of days before I stopped for a little rest. Don't get used to it, normal services will be resumed shortly as I'm back on the road tonight.

My first rest days! Its been 36 days of riding, 5 provinces and 4270 km since I left Vancouver. Phew! Some of the other riders I've met take a rest day every week or so, but that hasn't really appealed to me so far. First of all, I'm on a tight budget, and getting off your bike usually means spending cash. Second, as my mileage isn't crazy, most days I usually arrive at my destination by mid afternoon, so plenty of daylight left for exploring. Thirdly, I just haven't felt that tired until quite recently, so for me a good four days off to catch with long lost friends seemed to make the most sense. At Espanola, I diverted from my trans-can route to ride down through Manitoulin, catching a ferry to Tobermory, where Malcolm (Mikes dad) was waiting to collect me and drive me and Dawreen (my bike) back to his house for the night. In my book of quotes, T.S. Eliot says "The journey not the arrival matters". Perhaps his arrivals needed more beer and garlic bread, because after a day of rain and headwinds, my arrival in Southampton was pretty much the best thing ever. Huge thanks to Malcolm and Wendy for looking after me so well. Super nice to see you both again.

The next day Mike and I drove to his place in Cambridge, a good 2 hours away, and spent the next 24 hours in a catching up whirlwind of beers, dogs, guns and lawnmowers, which is pretty much how I'd always thought his life would turn out. Hahah. Joik. My old UEA friend Elle and her BF Jake picked me up and carried me away to Toronto (another hour in the car) for some serious beach lounging, hot tub dipping and burger scoffing, which brings to where I am now, sat on a balcony overlooking Lake Ontario and writing this. Tonight I catch a train back up north to resume the trans-can mission feeling recharged, refreshed and a good two stone heavier than when I arrived. Perfect.

Bruce Mines to Espanola - 177 km
Espanola to Southampton - 110 km
Southampton to Cambridge
Cambridge to Toronto